#召唤陪练狮#
老师您好,请问可以帮忙批改一下我的篇独立写作吗。谢谢!!!
题目:
Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Others believe that it is best to use that time doing thing......
查看全部
LeoFu 同学,下午好哦~~
首段没有问题哈~
理由段 1 这里,例子说的是压力,而给的理由是 help children relax,例子没有论证理由哈~~ 同时,这里需要注意表达的简洁性和准确性哦,如 they may feel stressed out 中 they 指代不清。
理由段 2 这里的论证基本没问题,但是要注意名词单复数和代词的使用,When parents and children do schoolwork together, parent tends to be strict and the atmosphere is silent and unfriendly. 中 前面还是 parents 呢 后面就变成了 parent 了。
让步段这里与理由段 1 相矛盾了,前面还说让学生考不好,这里又说可以促进孩子的学习。而且这段三个句子之间的逻辑有些乱。Since it is very important for a person to perform better if he or she can balance the time for relaxation and learning. 这个句子也没有主句了。
结尾段, It can not only relieve the kids' pressure and also good relationships between the parent and kids will be built. 这里并列连词使用错误,既然出现了 not only,后面应该是 but also,而且这里应该是连接并列的动词。
2021-02-23 17:58:43