球球又困了 朗播_毕会敏老师 老师提问:
09-06
#召唤陪练狮#
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on behaviors of young people.

Nowadays, many young people would like to watch movies and television as entertainment. So Television and Movie have a great effect on those teenagers. With regard to this, different people have different views. Some people believe Movies and television affects people in a more negative way on the teenagers’ behaviors while others hold the opinion that Movies and televisions influence young people’s behaviors in a more positive way. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the first statement. There are some reasons and examples to illustrate my viewpoint.
The main reason for my propensity for Television and movie influence young people’s behavior in a negative way is that teenagers will watch TV instead of doing their homework. As we all know, children don’t have the ability of self-control, so they will watch those kinds of shows for a long time. Obviously, it will make children addicted and children will stop doing their homework. A good example in case is my friend Wayne who really like to watch television. Wayne always like to watch television when he was in the childhood. He told me that watching TV are easily addicted. His grade was really bad when he was 8 years old. This was really amazing that a 8 years old child has 2 F subjects in his study. And that’s all because he was addicted to TV. It’s evident that TV and movie influence badly on teenagers.
The second reason can be seen by every person is that TV and movies will lead children to do some dangerous behavior. Children was really young and they didn’t know what they shouldn’t do. That will lead them to do some behavior which sometimes will make them in danger. For instance, one year ago, there was a news on the newspaper which is a children tied his friend on a tree’s trunk and he started to use fire to burn the rope. Luckily, there was a policeman was patrolling. He stopped the boy’s behavior and ask him why did you do this? The boy answered: in the TV show, the protagonist did the same thing like this, I think this was really interesting. It’s really terrible if children simulate the television’s behavior. So it goes out without saying that TV has a bad effect on teenagers.
Admittedly, I’m not denying that TV can let teenagers learn many knowledge. For instance, some TV will teach teenagers about the nature world, such as how it was made. However, on balance, the issue above pales in comparison with students will watch TV for so long time instead of doing homework because as long as the book has the knowledge of nature world, there will be nothing to worry about.
In a nutshell, I assist TV and Movies has effect children’s behavior negatively. It’s not only because children won’t spent time on study ,but also because they will do some dangerous behavior which probably will threaten their life.

老师可以帮我批改一下我的作文嘛
2020-09-06 09:17:11 来自 陪练狮
评论
1 楼
0721 同学,上午好哦~~
这里社区答疑只是解答大家在朗播学习过程中或者在做朗播在线练习时遇到的困难、疑惑的,并不是进行作文精批的,所以这里紧指出你这篇习作中的一些问题哈~~ 如果想要精批或者获得作文方面更好的指导,建议咨询朗播的一对一课程

结构:
第一段:背景 + 他人观点+自己观点 + 过渡句 是全的 
理由段 1:主题句不够简练、与自己观点之间的练习不够紧密。整个段落的论证不够严谨。 
理由段 2:主题句不够简练、。整个段落的论证不够严谨。 
让步段:让步段的写法是会的,但是使用的句子基本是错误的。 

内容:理由、例子使用有些不是很恰当,与观点中间的联系没有理清,给人的感觉是信息孤岛较多。 

语言:单词大小写、单复数要注意,如 Television and Movie 有时候大写,有时候小写,单复数不统一; Some people believe Movies and television affects people in a more negative way on the teenagers’ behaviors 表达不够简洁,affect 和介词 on 使用还是再确认一下;理由段 1 第一句 influence 使用错误;动词时态与语态要注意;理由段 2 第一个句子是错误的句子!名词单复数的使用不当;interesting 词汇使用不当!基本句子结构上的错误太多了。
2020-09-07 11:26
评论
我有话要说