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12-05
托福作文咩第 29 期 Day 2
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#托福作文咩第 29 期 Day 2# 请根据自己所写开头段进行 第二个理由段 的撰写
In addition, movies which is full of ample visual and auditory impact could bring me diverse feeling. Different from authors, filmmakers could take advantage of multiple actions and music. As we know, moving pictures with music always let people remembering it longer. Taking the Lord of the Rings for example, watching movies in the cinema, I am amazed by the wonderful pictures and inspiring music. It is no doubt that the watching movies can make me more interesting than reading books. Single words are put limit on expression of story.
2017-12-05 12:04:05 来自 托福作文咩
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1 楼
解释说明:理由是电影可以带来丰富的感觉(或者你想表达的是丰富的感官体验?),但解释说明是声画结合可以带来让人记得更久,这里是有逻辑断层的。需要再考虑下。

 整体评价:理由、解释、例子都是有的,但是需要注意不能只摆上来,要思考他们之间的关系。 

语言问题:
Single words 用词不对,Single 和 words 冲突。make me more interesting 看上去像是看电影让我自己更有趣些,有歧义。
2017-12-05 17:31
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2 楼
评论 1 楼: In addition, movies which is full of ample visual and auditory impact could bring me diverse sensory feeling. Different from authors, filmmakers could take advantage of multiple actions and music. As we know, moving pictures with music always let people feeling exciting. Taking the Lord of the Rings for example, watching movies in the cinema, I am amazed by the wonderful pictures and inspiring music. It is no doubt that the watching movies is more interesting than reading books. Because single word is put limit on expression of story.
谢谢老师!!
2017-12-05 22:18
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